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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I had to head to Gamla Uppsala for a meeting. You know, the historical part of town? It’s like stepping back in time. I mean, Viking mounds everywhere! I was pumped to soak in some history. But then, I missed the bus. Classic me, right? I sprinted to the bus stop on Gamla Uppsala’s main drag, Storgatan, like I was in a marathon. I swear, I could’ve won gold if it was a sprinting event.

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